But

Then, the weeks of deepening understanding, closeness, happiness they also contained a growing cloud for me. Bill's mother-in-law improved steadily. His wife would be returning. In the face of such disaster does one rail, cry, beg ? Not if he's honest. I'd learned that happiness is Siamese. It must be for both to be happiness. No one can be happy at another's expense. So, I sought no promises . . . I waited. And after a year ... of gray moroseness, I determined to not show Bill such a facade at this time...

Finally last night, the night before the jet was to sweep into International Airport bringing Bill his Shirley, he said to me, "I've got to tell you this, I love you. Right now I believe I will never in my life love anyone else so much. But I don't know . . . I must go to the airport, take her in my arms just once more, find out. But, whatever happens, thank you. Thank you for everything! I'll never forget you."

Three hours . . . Four hours . . . since they've met. Can I hate her? No. She had him first. She has the legal right to him sworn to before the altar of God. I can only be grateful we met, that we had six weeks together. And

I swear this, that I will not try to seek him out nor to ever bother her. If he had come to me, I would humbly have given a lifetime to showing him how much striving I am capable of to merit his affection and respect. I can still prove that by causing him and her no moment of embarrassment now that his mind is made up

I grow fuddled with drink, you see. And this character puts a hand on my shoulder from behind, bothering me like the old drunks love to do in bars. "Got a match?" his husky voice comes to me.

"Bill!" I moan, clattering my glass to the bar. And as I turn flipping open my lighter, the little stars in his eyes are all blurred over for me.

"I told her," he says, "And all the time, you were there beside me helping me make her understand . . . So, here I am back. Shall we go home?

ARCADIE

Monthly magazine in French; literary and scientific, infrequent photos and drawings. $9. yearly. 74 Boulevard de Reuilly, Paris, XII, France

VRIENDSCHAP

Monthly magazine in Dutch; photos and drawings, also articles about women. $4. yearly.

Postbox 542, Amsterdam, Holland.

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